The Treadmill of “Better”: Why Constant Competition is Killing Your Peace
It was a Saturday afternoon in Lekki, and Tunde was sitting in his car, feeling like a king. He had just picked up his brand-new 2022 SUV—a car he had saved for, prayed for, and worked late nights to afford. As he sat in the traffic near the toll gate, he caught his reflection in the rearview mirror and smiled. He had finally “arrived.”
Then, it happened.
A sleek, 2026 luxury sedan pulled up in the lane next to him. The driver, a man who looked younger than Tunde, didn’t even glance over. But Tunde glanced. He noticed the panoramic roof, the silent purr of the engine, and the specialized rims. In less than sixty seconds, the joy Tunde felt for his new car evaporated. His “achievement” suddenly felt like an “old model.” By the time he got home, he wasn’t thinking about his milestone; he was on Google, checking the price of the sedan and wondering what “hustle” he needed to start to get that one next.
This is the “Comparison Trap.” It is a silent thief that lives in our pockets and follows us into our homes. In a city like Lagos, where “keeping up with the Joneses” (or the Adebayos) is practically a competitive sport, we are taught that if we aren’t constantly looking over our shoulder, we’re falling behind.
But when your entire self-worth is tied to being “better” than the next person, you aren’t actually running a race—you’re on a treadmill. You’re moving fast, exhausting yourself, but staying in the exact same place emotionally.
The Myth of the “Next New Thing”
The danger of a permanent competitive mindset is that it has no finish line. In this mode, you are perpetually chasing the “next new thing.” Whether it is the latest iPhone, the newest fashion trend at the Saturday Owambe, or a bigger house in a “better” neighborhood, the target is always moving.
This is what psychologists call the “Hedonic Treadmill.” You achieve a goal, get a brief hit of dopamine, and then immediately reset your expectations to the next level. When you live to compete, you never actually “arrive.” You are a slave to a moving target, and that is a recipe for burnout, chronic dissatisfaction, and a hollow bank account.
1. The Death of Contentment
The first casualty of constant competition is gratitude. It is impossible to be thankful for the bread on your table when your eyes are fixed on the steak on your neighbor’s plate.
In Lagos, wealth and “levels” are often performed loudly. If you aren’t careful, you will stop celebrating your own wins. Your child’s silver medal feels like a loss because the neighbor’s child got gold. Your business’s 10% growth feels like a failure because a friend’s startup grew by 20%. Competition robs you of the ability to appreciate your own unique journey.
2. The Loss of Authentic Identity
When you are always in competitive mode, you stop asking, “What do I actually want?” and start asking, “What do I need to do to look better than them?”
This leads to a life that isn’t authentic to your purpose. You might find yourself pursuing a career path that drains you, buying a house in a neighborhood you can’t afford, or dressing in a way that doesn’t fit your personality—all to maintain an image. You become a carbon copy of a social standard rather than an original version of yourself. You are no longer the captain of your ship; the “Joneses” are.
3. Strained Relationships and “Zero-Sum” Thinking
A competitive mind often falls into the trap of “Zero-Sum” thinking—the belief that for me to win, someone else must lose. This creates a toxic environment in friendships and families.
Instead of seeing your friend’s success as a source of inspiration, you see it as a personal slight. This “crab in a bucket” mentality prevents collaboration. In business and in life, the greatest achievements often come from synergy, but competition builds walls where there should be bridges.
Finding the Balance: Healthy vs. Unhealthy Competition
Is all competition bad? Of course not. Competition can be a powerful catalyst for growth. The key is the direction of your lens:
- Unhealthy Competition is outward-facing. It’s about being “better than him/her.” It is fueled by envy and insecurity.
- Healthy Competition is inward-facing. It’s about being “better than I was yesterday.” It is fueled by a desire for self-mastery and excellence.
How to Break the Cycle
To reclaim your peace and find balance, you must consciously shift your focus:
- Define Your “Enough”: Decide what success actually looks like for you, independent of social media. If you couldn’t post your life on Instagram, what would actually make you happy?
- Practice “JOMO” (The Joy of Missing Out): Instead of fearing you’re missing out on the next trend, embrace the peace of staying in your own lane.
- Celebrate Others Sincerely: The next time a peer wins, congratulate them. It “rewires” your brain to realize that their success doesn’t take anything away from yours.
- Audit Your Circle: If your friends only talk about “levels” and money, find a community that values character and contribution.
The Final Word
Life in Lagos is a marathon, not a 100-meter dash. If you spend the whole race looking at the runners in the other lanes, you’re going to trip over your own feet.
Competition is a good servant but a terrible master. Use it to sharpen your skills, but don’t let it sit in the driver’s seat of your soul. Your only real competition is the person you were yesterday. If you can beat that person, you’ve already won the only race that matters.
