Is Your Child “Starving” for Your Focus? 5 Signs They’re Fighting for Your Attention
It’s 7:00 PM on a Tuesday. You have just survived the legendary gridlock on the Third Mainland Bridge, moving at a snail’s pace from Victoria Island back to the mainland. The generator is humming a steady rhythm in the background, signaling that the national grid has taken its usual break. You’ve finally kicked off your shoes, but your mind hasn’t shifted gears yet. You open your phone to reply to “just one more” WhatsApp message from a demanding client or check an email that could have waited until morning.
Suddenly, the peace is shattered. Your five-year-old, who was playing quietly just moments ago, decides to perform a dangerous “stunt” off the sofa. Or perhaps, with a mischievous glint in their eye, they “accidentally” knock a full glass of water onto the rug you just had cleaned.
Your first instinct is to shout. You’re exhausted, your back aches, and you feel you’ve earned at least five minutes of quiet. But before the words leave your mouth, stop for a second. In Lagos, we talk a constant game about the “hustle”—the relentless drive to provide a better life, better schools, and better opportunities for our children. But sometimes, that very hustle creates a “Competitive Gap” in our own living rooms. Your child isn’t being “naughty” for the sake of it; they are fighting a war for the one thing your phone is currently winning: Your undivided attention.
Here are five unmistakable signs that your child is “starving” for your focus and how to bridge that gap.
1. The “Negative ROI” Pivot
In the business world, we are obsessed with Return on Investment (ROI). We put energy where we see results. Children are surprisingly similar. If they cannot get your “sunny” attention—the smiles, the “well done,” the high-fives—they will pivot their strategy. They will settle for “stormy” attention.
The Sign: They purposefully engage in “forbidden” acts the very second you become distracted. They might pull the curtains, tease the dog, or bother a younger sibling exactly when you pick up your phone or turn on the news.
The Reality: To a child’s brain, a scolding is still a form of connection. If they can’t make you laugh, they will make you yell. At least when you are yelling, you are looking at them and not at a screen. It is a desperate bid to be seen, even if the “view” isn’t pleasant.
2. The Physical “Intervention”
Lagos kids are raised in a bold environment, and that boldness shows up when they feel sidelined. This is the most direct and literal sign of a struggle for dominance between your child and your distractions.
The Sign: They physically pull your hands away from your laptop, crawl into your lap while you are mid-sentence on a Zoom call, or even try to hide your phone under a sofa cushion.
The Reality: They have identified the “competitor”—your device—and are attempting a hostile takeover. They don’t want the phone to be the “Oga” of the house. By physically blocking the screen, they are demanding that you acknowledge their physical presence over the digital world.
3. The Regressive Retreat
When a child feels their position in your world is “shaky” or that they aren’t getting enough of you, they often subconsciously retreat to a time when they felt most secure.
The Sign: A child who has been potty-trained for years suddenly starts having accidents. A child with an impressive vocabulary starts using “baby talk,” or a primary schooler insists on being hand-fed like a toddler.
The Reality: This is a subconscious “SOS.” They are signaling that they need the intense, hands-on level of care they received when they were smaller. It is a plea to go back to a time when your world revolved entirely around their needs.
4. The “Watch This” Loop
We’ve all been there—the endless cycle of “Mummy, look! Daddy, watch me!” usually followed by something incredibly mundane, like jumping over a slipper or spinning in a circle three times.
The Sign: Constant, repetitive demands for you to witness small actions that they have already mastered.
The Reality: They aren’t actually showing off a skill; they are checking the “network signal.” Every time you look up, make eye contact, and say, “I see you,” you are “pinging” the relationship. They are verifying that the line of communication is still open and that they haven’t been “disconnected” from your heart while you were busy with work.
5. The “Trivial” Meltdown
Lagos life is high-pressure. We feel it, and our children absorb it. When their emotional tank is low, their ability to handle minor inconveniences vanishes.
The Sign: An explosive, earth-shattering meltdown because their Indomie was served in the “wrong” bowl or their biscuit broke in half.
The Reality: The “broken biscuit” is never the real problem. It is simply the final straw. If they have spent the day feeling “unseen” or like they are competing with your work, their emotional resilience is gone. They don’t have the “fuel” to handle life’s small disappointments because they haven’t been refueled by your presence.
The Solution: The “10-Minute Power-Up”
We know the Lagos hustle isn’t going anywhere. The bills must be paid, and the work must be done. You can’t always ignore the client or the house chores. However, you can change the quality of the time you do have.
Instead of trying to give “half-attention” all evening—which leaves both you and the child frustrated—try the 10-Minute Reset:
- Go Dark: Put your phone in another room or turn it face down.
- Child-Led Play: For just 10 minutes, enter their world. If they want to play with cars, get on the floor. If they want to draw, pick up a crayon.
- No Corrections: This isn’t the time to say “color inside the lines” or “check your homework.” Just be there.
- Active Witnessing: Use your eyes. Look at them. Smile. Respond.
Often, 10 minutes of being truly, deeply “seen” is enough to fill a child’s emotional tank for the entire night. It buys you the peace you need to finish your work later, and more importantly, it ensures that while you are busy building a future for them, you aren’t losing them in the process.
