Is It Forever or Just For Now? How to Audit Your Relationship for Long-Term ROI
It’s a quiet Tuesday evening. You’re sitting in the living room, the hum of the generator providing a steady rhythmic backdrop to your thoughts. Your partner is nearby, perhaps scrolling through their phone or laughing at a video, and for a moment, everything feels perfect. You see a future—the “Introduction,” the shared home, the years of building a life together.
But then, as quickly as the power fluctuates, a cold thought creeps in: “How do I know I won’t regret this?”
In our world today, especially within the high-pressure context of Nigerian society, choosing a life partner feels like the biggest capital investment you’ll ever make. We are surrounded by “God When” stories on Instagram and cautionary tales of “Fear Women/Men” on Twitter. Between family expectations, the rising cost of living, and the internal fear of “wasting time,” the “What Ifs” can become deafening.
If you are wondering whether your certainty is real or just a temporary “marketing high,” let’s look at the data. Here is how to quiet the noise and determine if your “Sure” is built to last.
1. The Myth of the “Lightning Bolt” Moment
In movies and Nollywood dramas, finding “The One” is portrayed as a cinematic event—a prophetic dream or a sudden, unshakable bolt of lightning. In reality, certainty is not a lightning bolt; it is a slow-growing tree.
We often mistake infatuation for certainty. Infatuation is high-energy, frantic, and loud. It’s the “shakara” phase where adrenaline masks red flags. But true certainty? It is quiet. It is the feeling of seamless integration—where this person fits into your life so naturally that the “cost of maintenance” is low. You don’t have to perform or pretend. If your relationship feels like a safe harbor rather than a rollercoaster, do not mistake that peace for boredom. In the world of long-term partnerships, peace is the ultimate Green Flag.
2. The “No-Edit” Due Diligence
One of the primary reasons people experience “Buyer’s Remorse” in marriage is that they didn’t choose a partner; they chose a project.
In our culture, we are aggressively optimistic. We say, “He has a good heart, he just needs to learn how to save money,” or “She’s great, I’ll just talk to her about her temper after the wedding.” We treat partners like a “fixer-upper” property we plan to renovate.
The Audit: If your partner stayed exactly who they are today—with the same salary, the same spiritual commitment, the same annoying quirks, and the same communication style—for the next 50 years, would you be satisfied with the ROI? If your joy depends on them “upgrading” their personality, you aren’t in love with them; you’re in love with a fictional version of them. Certainty arrives when you can look at the “as-is” model and say, “I can work with this.”
3. The “Big Three” Alignment: Money, Family, and Faith
Love is the engine that starts the car, but shared values are the tires that keep it on the road. You can love someone deeply and still be operationally incompatible. To quiet the “What Ifs,” you must move past the “vibes” and conduct a deep-dive into the Big Three:
- The Money Talk: In the Nigerian context, this includes the “Black Tax.” How much of your joint income goes to extended family? Are you a “Sovereign Wealth Fund” (saver) or a “Consumer” (spender)?
- The Family Talk: Boundaries are the security systems of a relationship. How much influence will in-laws have in your daily decisions?
- The Faith Talk: Do you see the world through the same spiritual lens? When life hits hard—and it will—will you be praying in the same direction, or will your spiritual friction cause a divide?
When your “North Stars” align, the fear of the future diminishes because you know you’re both moving toward the same coordinates.
4. Conflict Resolution & The “Aftermath”
A “Forever” relationship isn’t one where you never fight; it’s one where you repair the “system” quickly.
Pay attention to the Conflict Aftermath. During a disagreement, does your partner use your vulnerabilities as weapons? Do they resort to “The Silent Treatment” (the dreaded counting of teeth)? Or, even in the middle of the heat, is there a baseline of respect?
If you can navigate a misunderstanding and come out feeling like the relationship “software” has been patched and improved, you have something sustainable. Regret happens when small resentments are swept under the rug until they turn into a mountain you can no longer climb.
5. Scalability: Can You Grow Together?
In business, we ask if a model is scalable. In relationships, we must ask if the partnership can handle growth. The person you are at 25 is not the person you will be at 45.
Certainty comes from seeing a partner who is teachable. If someone is rigid and refuses to evolve, they will eventually become a bottleneck to your own personal development. You want a partner who has the “bandwidth” to learn new skills, admit when they are wrong, and adapt to the changing seasons of life.
6. Trust “Gut Peace” Over “Head Noise”
Finally, learn to distinguish between Anxiety and Intuition.
- Anxiety (Head Noise) is loud, repetitive, and usually starts with “What if…?” It is fueled by external pressure and the fear of “what people will say.”
- Intuition (Gut Peace) is a quiet, steady “knowing.” Even when things are stressful—maybe you’re dealing with career setbacks or family drama—there is a deep, underlying sense that you are with the right teammate.
If your head is spinning with doubts, but your gut feels settled, it’s likely just fear of the unknown. However, if your head is making excuses for them, but your gut feels tight and uneasy, pay attention to the data.
Conclusively: Certainty is a Verb
The blunt truth is that you will never be 100% sure for the rest of your life. People change. Markets shift. Life will throw challenges at you that neither of you can predict today.
Being “sure” doesn’t mean you have a crystal ball. It means you have audited this person’s character, their integrity, and their willingness to grow, and you have decided: “Whatever the future holds, this is the person I want to solve those problems with.”
“Forever” isn’t a destination you reach; it’s a subscription you renew every single morning. You don’t find the perfect person; you choose a person and commit to the “maintenance” required to keep the relationship elite.
Let’s Gist in the Comments!
- What is the one “Green Flag” that made you realize your partner was the real deal?
- Do you believe in “The One,” or do you believe we choose someone and make them the one through work and alignment?
I’d love to hear your thoughts below!
