5 Attitudes From Single Life That Have No Place In Your Marriage

Mark and Sarah had what everyone called a fairy-tale wedding. But six months into their marriage, reality was hitting hard.

One Saturday morning, Mark woke up and decided the living room needed a new look. He spent the entire afternoon at a hardware store, bought a massive new TV stand, and came home to surprise Sarah.

Sarah was furious. “You bought this without talking to me? That money was supposed to go into the vacation fund!”

“It’s my bonus money, Sarah,” Mark argued. “When I was single, if I wanted a new gadget, I just bought it. I don’t need permission to buy something for our house.”

Sarah’s response was sharp: “That’s the problem, Mark. You’re not single anymore. You don’t get to say ‘I’ or ‘my’ when it comes to the house or the money anymore.”

Their argument highlights a truth many newlyweds discover too late: The habits and attitudes that served you well as a single person—independence, self-focus, sole control over your resources—can become major roadblocks in a lifelong partnership.

The transition from “I” to “We” requires a fundamental shift in mindset and intentionally shedding certain emotional baggage. Here are five unnecessary attitudes to consciously leave behind the day you say, “I do.”

1. The Attitude of Sole Control Over Finances

As a single person, your money is entirely your own. You save, you spend, and you budget without consultation. In marriage, treating money as “mine” versus “ours” is a guaranteed source of conflict. Sole control is replaced by shared stewardship.

• Leave Behind: Spending or saving significant amounts without discussing it first. Hiding debts or purchases.
• Embrace Instead: Financial Transparency. Establish shared short-term and long-term goals. Treat all income as communal, regardless of who earns what. This builds a foundation of trust that is far more valuable than any private purchase.

2. The Attitude of Unilateral Decision-Making

When you’re single, you decide what’s for dinner, where you live, and how you spend your free time. In marriage, this unilateral power must be replaced by collaboration and compromise. Continuing to make major decisions (or even small ones that impact your partner) without consultation conveys disrespect and marginalizes your spouse.

• Leave Behind: Assuming you have the right to commit the weekend, invite guests, or rearrange the living space without checking in.
• Embrace Instead: The Huddle. For anything beyond a small, everyday choice, pause and ask, “How does this affect us?” Even if you ultimately decide alone, involving your partner in the process acknowledges their stake and value in the relationship.

3. The Attitude of “My Way Is the Best Way” (or Reluctance to Compromise)

A single life can breed a rigid sense of personal order and preference. You’ve perfected your routines—how the kitchen is organized, how quiet the house should be, how you vacation. Marriage forces two highly developed sets of routines to merge, and they rarely fit together seamlessly. Rigidity is the enemy of partnership.

• Leave Behind: Insisting that your system for folding laundry, driving directions, or handling conflict is the only correct one. Keeping a mental scorecard of who “wins” an argument.
• Embrace Instead: Flexible Unity. Look for the third way—a solution that is neither 100% yours nor 100% theirs. Recognize that a slightly less efficient system that makes your partner feel respected is always better than a perfectly efficient system that makes them feel controlled.

4. The Attitude of Emotional Self-Sufficiency

In single life, emotional protection is key. You solve your own problems, suppress vulnerability, and rely on friends or extended family for emotional heavy lifting. In marriage, your spouse needs to be the primary emotional confidant. Holding back your true feelings, stresses, or fears creates distance and undermines intimacy.

• Leave Behind: Stoicism, emotional isolation, and running straight to friends/family to vent about your spouse before talking to your spouse themselves.
• Embrace Instead: Vulnerability and Reliance. Practice sharing not just the facts of your day, but the feelings of your day. Allow your partner to see your weakness and offer comfort. This mutual reliance transforms two individuals into a unit.

5. The Attitude of Unquestioned Personal Space and Time

Single people have ultimate control over their downtime. No one cares if you spend five hours playing video games or take an impromptu solo road trip. While personal space is still vital in marriage, the attitude that your time is unaccountable is detrimental. Marriage requires a conscious balance between personal space and intentional presence.

• Leave Behind: Assuming large blocks of free time without scheduling it with your spouse, or withdrawing for long periods without communicating the need for alone time.
• Embrace Instead: Scheduled Solitude and Scheduled Connection. Clearly communicate when you need personal time (“I need an hour to decompress after work”) and commit to quality time with your spouse (“Let’s put our phones away every night from 8 PM to 9 PM”). This shows you value both your needs and the relationship’s needs.

The Final Shift: From Independence to Interdependence

The single life prepares you for independence; the married life challenges you to choose interdependence. It’s easy to look at the list above and feel overwhelmed, thinking you have to erase the person you were before the wedding. But this isn’t about self-erasure; it’s about conscious evolution.

Marriage is not simply the addition of two lives; it is the fundamental blending of two distinct personalities, habits, and histories into a new entity. When you stop bringing the attitudes of sole control, unilateral action, and emotional isolation into your shared life, you create space for something far stronger and more rewarding.

This journey is not about perfection. You will inevitably slip up—you might buy the wrong thing without asking, or snap during a stressful moment. The true maturity of your marriage is measured not by how perfectly you avoid mistakes, but by how quickly and sincerely you move to repair them.

By actively retiring these five single attitudes and choosing transparency, collaboration, flexibility, and vulnerability instead, you are doing more than just saving yourself from arguments. You are laying the bedrock for a relationship where both partners feel deeply respected, fully seen, and totally secure. You are choosing to build a legacy of partnership, not just a shared address.

The transition from “I” to “We” is the most demanding, yet most rewarding, project you will ever undertake. Embrace the shift. Your marriage depends on it.