Thinking about an ex is not the best way to get over them. However, relationship break-ups can be so intense that some experts have termed it as a type of grief.
When a relationship ends, the parties involved may feel a deep sense of loss and experience distress. Parties in a broken relationship usually find it difficult to move on with their lives after they are out of a relationship.
Someone going through a difficult season caused by a break-up sometimes struggles to find “closure” and in the process picks up some coping mechanisms that may be positive or negative
Today, I’ll be sharing 9 not-so-simple but workable ways to get over a breakup.
This would help put things in perspective and kick-start your journey to moving on if you are currently experiencing this.
Admit the Pain and see it as an emotional injury
It is quite difficult to stop thinking about an ex. Most of the time after a breakup, people try to act as if nothing has happened thinking that they are “moving on”.
The first thing to do after a breakup from a relationship that meant something to you is to admit that it hurts; this would be hard but remember that you are on a healing journey.
Admitting the pain is the first step in healing; a breakup is an emotional injury and you should admit it’s there so that you can effectively deal with it.
Allow Yourself to Feel
As mentioned above, there’s always a temptation to deny the pain, hurt, and jumbled emotions caused by a breakup.
A lot of people in this situation go into different activities like throwing themselves into work to cover up their feelings.
You must understand that the only way to heal is to begin the process; permit yourself to feel the pain.
This may be extremely difficult at first but not allowing yourself to express these emotions would put you in a much more difficult situation.
If you want to sustainably move on, you need to allow yourself to feel.
One bonus point; let the tears roll, feel the feelings.
Involve Yourself in Activities that Make you Happy
Your relationship or other things may have kept you from the activities that make you excited so this is a great opportunity to get yourself involved in them again.
You can feel a great sense of empowerment from reconnecting with your old hobbies; it can be going to the gym, taking cooking classes, going to the beach, walking your dog, window shopping, or journaling.
Whatever it is, engaging it again may spark a sense of joy in you.
Find Yourself a Support System
It would be a lie to say the process would be easy or that you would easily stop thinking about an ex.
Break-ups can be characterized by a lot of pain and hurt; a good way to deal with this is to surround yourself with people who are close to you.
Find a support system and this may include your friends and family. Sometimes they may not have a lot to say and you may not even be able to articulate how you feel in words. However, their presence may provide a great sense of comfort.
Keep a Distance From Triggers
One of the things that happen when you are dealing with a breakup is that you want to keep tabs on them but this would not make you stop thinking about an ex.
While this is understandable, you should avoid stalking your ex at all costs if you want to heal from the experience.
You can also try to avoid the places or things that remind you of them or can heighten your emotions all over again.
Give yourself time to heal through the process and you can only do this by staying away from triggers. For example, you may not want to throw out the things that remind you of your ex-partner but it would be good to keep them away until you are emotionally able to bear their sight.
Keeping them in sight when the pain is still very fresh may trigger some emotions.
Get a Therapist if you don’t have one already
Having conversations with someone with objective opinions can make a lot of difference.
This is great especially when you have not been able to articulate the words tied to your throat, put your thoughts together and manage your emotions.
A therapist would be a great option; they don’t always tell you what to do, but help to analyze how you feel. This is a step in the right direction to healing from a breakup.
Spend Time with Yourself
This may seem like bad advice considering that you may not feel comfortable being alone but it is an important step on your journey to healing.
A lot of people tend to blame themselves after a relationship failure and feel a loss of identity. One way to help this is to date yourself and do things that make you happy.
Look in the mirror and have conversations with yourself; read out positive affirmations, see a movie, journal, or meditate. When you are angry, be reminded that these things happen and tell yourself that moving on is the most important thing.
Doing all of these doesn’t mean that you would automatically heal or get over the experience.
You may occasionally hit the deep end and feel like you are back at the beginning but, you are not! It happens.
When this happens, don’t beat yourself up or think your efforts are wasted. Be Kind to yourself and exercise some patience, with time, it would get better.
Other things may help but these 7 tips are a great way to start. Wishing you a great journey ahead!