A Mother’s Timeless Advice: Character, Cooking, or the Bedroom?
My daughter, Bola, came home from school the other day with a puzzled look on her face. Her marriage and family class had given the ladies a peculiar assignment: go home and find out, from an elder, what a man’s number one priority is in a wife. The options were cooking skills, sexual satisfaction, or character.
She sat across from me, book open, pen in hand, ready to document my every word. It was a simple question, but the weight of it was heavy. It’s the kind of question that defines the very foundation of a home. I smiled, took a deep breath, and began to tell her what I know to be true.
The Three Options: A Mother’s Breakdown
“Bola, my daughter,” I began, “all three are important, but only one is the foundation of a lasting marriage.”
1. Cooking Skills: A Meal for the Moment
“They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and there is truth in that. A man who comes home to a warm, delicious meal feels loved and cared for. There is a deep comfort in that. But think about it, my dear. What happens when a wife is sick and cannot cook? What happens if her husband gets a promotion and they can now afford a chef? Does the love disappear? No. Cooking is a wonderful skill, a beautiful expression of care, but it is not the glue that holds a home together. It is a talent, and like all talents, it can be learned or even hired.”
2. Sexual Satisfaction: The Spice of Intimacy
“This is the fire in the marriage, the intimacy that binds two people. It is a crucial part of a healthy relationship, an important way for a husband and wife to connect both physically and emotionally. However, like cooking, this too is not the foundation. The intimacy can change over the years. Life happens—children, stress, illness, old age. The fire can dim, but a good marriage must be able to withstand those changes. If this is the only thing a man values, what happens when it is no longer the same? The fire must be fueled by something deeper.”
3. Character: The Unshakable Foundation
“This is the most important of all,” I told her, looking her straight in the eye. “Character is the very soul of a person. It is honesty, so he knows he can trust you with his secrets and his life. It is kindness, so he knows he will always be safe and loved in your hands. It is patience and respect, so you can both weather the storms of life without tearing each other down.
“Think of it this way: a man can eat a bad meal and still love you. He can even go through periods where the intimacy is not as strong, and still love you. But a man cannot build a life with a dishonest, unkind, or disloyal woman. Good character is what makes a woman a true partner—a friend, a confidante, and a teammate for life. It is what makes him proud to call you his wife, not just on sunny days, but on the darkest, stormiest nights.”
The Final Verdict
I closed her book for her and smiled. “So, Bola, the cooking fills his stomach, and the intimacy fills his desires. But a woman’s character is what fills his heart. It is the one thing he will value above all else, because it is the one thing that will never change and will always see him through. Write that down.”
